This past week

Last Saturday(10 days ago) was the first of three much needed days off for me. I was aware Anne had the flu and I was looking forward to being available to help her out. A real privilege and a rare opportunity, since I am in her debt for many, many times over the past 13 years that she has anticipated my needs with the many migraines I have had; shoulder rubs, grocery runs and feeding my kids, and just calling to check up on me. I could actually take up the whole page as I think of it, all the amazing ways she was a pillar in my life.
For the first two nights as I slept, I felt Anne's condition come to light in that nighttime consciousness, and I came to know that she was very sick, and that huge forces were at work. In the light of day, it was hard to hold on to that. It was like being in a trance, unable to imagine a force of nature like Anne could really be weakened.
It is the same now. I am aware of her precarious position, this awesome illness. When I am away from her, I literally wring my hands at times, unable to imagine , believe,or understand (like my daughter Tallie said, "mom, this is ANNE!!") Yet when I am with her, even when she feels too weak to talk, all that I see is that amazing strength, now deeply focused. Right now, if you were with her, you would feel better. She is not just showing strength, she is the embodiment of it. I get such comfort in the way she reaches for the note pad, chin jutting forward, face set, as she writes and writes and writes. And points, put it here, no not there, here. My body relaxes, Anne is at the helm of this, looking ahead with surety. It is now one third of the first round of chemo, and she looks better than when she first went into the hospital. We don't know what she will go through on this trip, how hard it will be, but I do feel that huge forces are at work, with Anne being the biggest of them all. I am so proud of her and so in awe of her. I also feel all the love and prayers are surrounding her, and I know it will continue. Angela