Last night as the ball on top of the Times Square tower made its decent, I felt an almost miraculous shift in my state of being. Somehow that arbitrary line between the old and the new year lifted that heavy, sullen shroud that has dominated my life since the beginning of the holiday season. Wow!! It gave me great hope for the passing of this grieving process but lasted only for a short time as I began to recall New Year's Eve with Anne last year. But how ever brief I experienced that total release, there was a definite shift in my sense that the events of 2007 are in the past and 2008 holds promise for a new light to shine. One that will shine on and from my heart as it has been and is in dire need of healing. It is amazing how we assign the center of our emotional being to this body organ which is without a doubt the toughest muscle in the body yet the most fragile. Mine has been struggling to a point where I often feel as if it will give way. Perhaps relief is just around the corner. I don't know. This whole process seems to have a schedule of it's own, and no matter how hard I try to intervene with my mind, my heart has complete command. At least for one brief moment while I rang in the new year with Nicolas, Sofia and Sabrina (the dog) my heart was light. I know that birthday/Christmas/new years 2008 will hold a different picture. My missing Anne will remain but the unbearable weight of losing her will not.
I am truly grateful for all of you who have and continue to accompany Anne and me on this journey through the blog, email, cards, thoughts and prayers. I don't think I would have been able to make it without all of you. Nor would I have been able to reach into the depths of my pain to retrieve the jewels that lay hidden there without the safety provided by your witness and support. May the fires of your passions in life burn ever brighter into the new year . May you find peace and fulfillment in dreams realized. May love be your constant companion through the year and life long.
Happy New Year,
Dennis
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1 comment:
Happy New Year, Dennis. Thanks for sharing your ongoing process. It's a tribute to the healing power ever present in Life.
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