Well, this last visit to the clinic they saw blasts in my blood, which makes it official that I am not in remission. I am off the immune suppressant and rooting for the GVH. There is a one in three chance that the donor cells, or the GVH, can get the leukemic cells. The only thing more UCSF could offer me would be another dose of the Mylotarg. It would be a bigger dose, and it worries me because my liver enzymes keep rising (possibly GVH), and Mylotarg is very hard on the liver. Stephen (my brother) is researching clinical trials for me - they would all be elsewhere. Oh, this journey is long and hard.

And I have a fever - high enough the protocol is to put me in the hospital, but fortunately, my doctor shared my opinion that we could wait. I only have mild upper respiratory symptoms, and strange crampy muscle pains. I suppose it could be GVH, but it does not usually give such high temperatures.

My equanimity seems only to grow, as the illusion that I am in control falls away. Not that there isn't necessary action and the need for clear intention on my part. But that is not control. And also, I think to be in as much relaxation and joy as possible is what my immune system needs.

Your continued prayers and messages are deeply appreciated.

Love,
Anne